NO

No. How do you react to a NO?
I do not like that word. I am absolutely sure that if God were not in my life, my life would be a total disaster by now...I mean real disaster. Yes my life seems to be a disaster now, BUT it is only apparent and temporary. My life is full and good.
I have been more like a wild horse, the kind that will not allow anybody to tame it. The only one that has been allowed to tame me and to ride me- has been God. But if I plan to work as a team with human beings then I have to learn to have authorities over me. And that can be sooooooooooooooooooooooo hard! Specially when they say NO.

Well, this was one of the things I experimented this month.
So, suddenly there is this guy in front of me talking to me about how much he loves my parents and then speaks about how much he loved me 23 years ago. Can you imagine the effect of such a conversation?
I arrived home and I was nervous. I knew I could open my heart to romance and evertything would move into a totally different dimension...I did not know what to do. So I searched a friend. This specific friend is older than I, she loves me lots and spends real time with God. So I see her counsel as one worthy of listening to...usually...she has several times rebuked my behaviour and she has also been a strong confort in other situations.
So I go into the chat (which I hardly ever do...) and she was in!!!!!! God is so good!
So I tell her a bit about this guy.
And she reacted in a ....mmmm....searching for an adjective....perhaps beautiful would be good...it was beautiful....but it was more like panic... I mean she just got so wild. 100 words per minute type of conversation....if she had been here she would have probably taken me by the shoulders and shaken me....
from time to time I got a smile on my face at her reaction.
It was so gull of love and care and longing to protect me.
But the battle was real...I mean that moment I had been struck with the idea "I should have married this guy!" and of course it was only a step from turning into "I will not lose this type of love...I will go for this guy now!" (he is single)
So hearing a NO was not easy. I mean she did not even let me tell her how sweet he is and how we once had been such good friends and how he is in the ministry....I could have given her all the right justifications in order to change her mind...but she would not listen.
As we spoke...more she than me....I was faced with a decision. I could tell her "I know you love me and you are reacting in love. But you are wrong by saying that this guy is not THE guy. I will therefore ignore your council".
But in the midst of it I remembered how many times I have reacted in the same way with the people I council and love and pray for. I remembered how my spirit would be unsettled sometimes for not very evident reasons, just unsettled. Just something saying NO. Deep in my heart.
I remembered how often I could see what God was kneating something and then because people got impatient and decided to do things their own way (often finding very creative ways to justify their disobedience)
I remembered the pain I felt when people would not consider my words seriously enough. The frustration of caring for a person, keeping such a person in prayer, in caring for this person, enjoying the beauty of seeing this person slowly recovering and getting on their feet again....and then in a moment they would throw it all down the drain for some stupid reason. Of course for them it was not stupid. For them it was the right thing and the right time and the right project and the right answer from God....

And that thought made me smash on the breaks. Full stop. Ice water over all my romantic emotions.

I am sure that many of you are reacting with anget toward this woman who counciled me in such a way. Many others are questioning the whole situation. Why listen to someone who does not even know the guy? and Hadn't God spoken to me on marriage a time back? I mean, hasn't He been the one insisting on the subject of the beauty of marriage? and How can we be sure that this was not THE guy? What is we lost the chance and then nobody else shows up? then what? will we blame God for not fullfilling His promise when it was our mistake for not grasping the opportunity?

All those questions went by my head, but they seemed to lose their weight before the remberance of my own experience when I have given council and people have not listened to it....all those questions just melted before one thought "God is stirring her heart, He is making her uneasy for some reason...I better slow down."

And I did.
And I am glad I did.
By doing so, by asking this guy to remain at a distance and by his accepting to do so I walked into deep restoration of my woman's heart and recieved a fresh impartation of strenght to be a woman in a fallen world.

His acceptance of my decision to remain distant, was one of the most beautiful symphonies I have ever heard.
His respect for my will showered me with honor which has softened my heart and fed many woman like seeds in it that had been waiting for that kind of water in order to sprout forth.
His taking a NO for an answer has covered me with a stong message of dignity. He has clearly stated "you are a person whose opinion I chose to honor because you are worthy of such honor"

I have been able to taste love in its true form:
love does not think of oneself.

I could have missed out on all this beauty by rejecting my friend's council.

And as I delight in all this beauty I cannot but ponder on the beauty of obedience to God. In our obedience we cover Him with true honor and dignity. When we chose to respect His will we are stating just that "You are one whose opinion I chose to honor because You are worthy of such honor."

and even more so, in our obedience, true love is exposed:
love does not think of oneself.

and thus ...isn't obedience the true way to worship God?