the way things really are

I am thanking God for what He has done in my life. Of course in order to do this one must see the way things really are. One must have eyes to see things the way God sees them, and this in itself is a blessing.
As usual I will share straight from my heart, but what I will share today may at moments sound vain or proud of my part. This is not the intention. I will be sharing what God has done in my life and thus He gets all, absolutly all the credit.
According to many outside standards right now I am in the failure list Yet, I sit here and think, "wow, I have so much!" Yes, there is the "I have Christ, what else can I desire?" part. But through Him and through His work in me I wake up to the fact that I am able to reach out to people in a way few are able to. It seems to me we live in an emotionally cripled society, people fearing people but needing people. And few risk their lives to actually have friends, and even smaller is the group who has many friends.
Now what has brought all of this to my mind is the fact that when I started to write my "news letters" I had a terrible time because I know what a news letter is supposed to look like. I just got one this morning, and this is what is making me think of all of this.... You mention what you have done, you mention your plans and then you mention your prayer needs, and at the bottom you include your bank account. Hoping somebody may feel led to pay for your next trip or something. Sometimes you include pictures. These can be either projecting smiles of victory, or something real strong (poverty, disaster).
As you can tell I know what a news letter is supposed to look like, with such a newsletter and the right contacts it is easier to find funding for your needs. Not 100% warrantied. People are not very willing to give their money away...but there is always some hope.
Anyhow, the thing is that God did not let me write that way. He kept telling me to be 100% honest! Agony! I had to mention my fear, my confusion, my sin, my anger and frustration toward the church....aaaagggg!!!!!
Once more I did not realize that a much bigger work was being done in me. At present I find that I can speak openly of most of my weaknesses. And I can really walk into people's hearts. My own weakness has become the key to people's hearts.
I am amazed.
I mean, in the course one teacher asked the group "why are you here?" everybody had real sharp answers. I did not. That specific day I was aware that my expectations of the course where different than reality and I was aware that God had something else in mind. I did not know why I was there. And that is what I said "I do not know why I am here"
Weakness...I felt so vulnerable. I felt the pressure of the group. I felt the pity from others- and that always bothers my ego. BUT that was the key into that teacher's heart. She started to ask me questions in the coffee breaks and as I gave her even more puzzling answers we became friends... isn't it amazing?
Through those letters and other experiences, God has torn so much of my "safety blanket"... He has yet work to do but I do see the progress, I do see that for me it is now much easier to tolerate situations in which I have no control. And in which I look like a fool.
And interesting enough I begin to feel comfortable in my weakness. I begin to see its beauty. The struggle to impress others seems to start to slowly fade away as I understand that the only one I truly need to impress is God. It is nos smooth ground, people seem to get scared or unsettled and thus get upset with someone who dares to state that money is not all to life.
I do not know about the rest of the world. But yesterday I got a challenge from God, and He simply said:
I dare you to live.
And I smiled the rest of the day. Because that is the one thing I do know how to do. I do not know how to do millions of other things. I do not know how to bake yeast bread. I do not know how to counsel with patience. I do not know how to communicate in a productive way. I do not know how to awaken the church... BUT I know how to live.
I get this mischieveous smile as I get tickeled over such a dare, and the fact that I actually can say "that is possible, I know how to do that! Of course I will continue to look like a fool to most...but I know what the real value of life is. I know the ingredients of life are love to God and love to others. And despite the fact that my love is not perfect...it is, for both God and people."
I love God and people, thus I have life.
Only God has been able to tear my stiffness out and has been able to take me to this beautiful, weak, and vulnerable spot...a spot in which love is the source of life in itself.
I am truly delighted by the work of His hands. And nowI pass the dare on to you:
DARE TO LIVE