Edna Headland

Edna was my teacher of Cultural Emphaty. This is her real name, I do not think she will mind my stating her name.
Cultural Emphaty is a tough class. It is not heavy intellectually speaking, I think it is heavy emotionally wise. Because it confronts you a lot. It makes you think a lot on your own behaviour, your pride and arrogance. "My culture is the best, everybody else is some sort of sub-human" this is something we kind of all have. Some don't even attempt to hide it, others live trying to hide it but not really uprooting this arrogant attitude.
It is real difficult to see beyond ourselves. We are extremely self oriented. I grew up in a house were differences were always spoken off and we were thaught that all humans are alike. We heard a lot on the concept of cultural differences. Acceptance, respect, giving people a human value no matter what they did... these kind of ideas were about me all the time. So the ideaswere not new.
And yes, to a point I think I have managed to live these concepts to a point...but only to a point and once more how hard it is to hear God asking you "why do you continue to hang on to this arrogant attitude in your heart?" How hard it is to stop and analyze your heart and let God just show you all the muck inside.
My stomach turns even at the thought of the stench that comes from my heart.
Going into Edna's class was hard for me. I told her so from the very start. She was brave enough to hear me and to stand by my side. How nice to have a loving soul by your side as God literally yancks off your masks. How important to have a loving hand hold yours and encourage you with words of hope and of love "God is making you into a new creation..." she encouraged me, but she did not soften reallity. She never said "do not exagerate, you are ok" I liked that, if she had said something like that I would have closed my heart to her encouragement. She confronted me, she called my sin: sin. Straight to my face she declared the truth, she did not hide it. I liked that. And when I confessed my sin and my pain then and only then did she speak with encouragement and with love.
I hope to get there someday. I hope to learn to do so...
Edna and I became friends. In a very soft and unexpected way. I like it when it works out this way. I like things that move gently, I guess.
But today I wake up thinking of her, and how hard it is to teach her subject and how much strenght it takes. Inner strength that is. You see I took some of the material she gave us to teach this last weekend. It was a two day intensive course where students wanted to practice their English. I had to plan activieties in order for them to practice. And on Friday I worked with some of her material.
HARD.
Believe me, it was hard. The tension of questioning is not easy to handle. A total stranger questioning your own values and asking you why you think your values are better than others...hard. Real hard
How hard? Well I fell asleep at 9:00 at night... in the same cabin where the rest of the group was partying!!! and anybody that knows me knows that I complain when my neighbors have a party because I can't sleep because of the noise.
But I was drainned. I had had to absorve the pain and the anger that everybody expressed as I kept pushing them into opening their eyes that people are people no matter what they do.
As I attempted to help them understand the shock other people suffer when they see our behaviour as mexicans I talked on the ways things are done in other cultures. But I used dramatic examples. They could not believe that other people would really be shocked with our reactions in the same way, because "we are not as bad as the people who you are talking about"
I talked about the Sawi and how they valued treason, on how when they heard the story on Jesus being betrayed by Judas, Judas was the hero. My students could not believe such a thing. And their reaction was exactly like the reaction of others when they come to Mexico "they are uneducated... savage people...animals...non human...." these were some of the comments.
I was saddened. I was saddened because I could see my students in darkness, despite the fact that they considered themselves "educated, people and human" ...superior and better to an extent. But are we really better if we have this kind of heart towards another human being?
Are we really enlighted if we cannot see them the way God sees them?
How does God see them?
Exactly the same way He sees us. Sinners in need of a saviour. But beautiful sinners. God manages to see past our ugliness, our stench, our darkened soul, our stupidity (which is large) and He loves our smile, our laughter, our songs and our dances. He likes to listen to our dreams, and likes to see us swim. God loves to watch us as we watch the sky for signs of rain or for a rainbow. God is God.

Then I spoke of the Uwa. On how they sacrifice their babies if they have twins for they believe they are concieved by evil spirits and they believe that if they are not killed they will bring illness and destruction to the village and the crops.
My students were even more offended. "Respect a culture that accepts such things? No!!! Only animals behave like that!"
I pressed on... "but do not we tolerate abortion? I mean, at last this people do it with the idea to bring protection to the rest of the community, and not only of mere selfishness."
Hard.

This morning I woke up thinking of the Uwa. I felt God's deep love for them. I have often heard preachers say "would you give your son for the sake of a sinner? No. I might give my life for another, but I would not give my son's life to rescue another's life."
The Uwa do it.
The way God gave up His own son to bring safety to society the Uwa give up their babies to bring safety to the community. In a way they are so much more like God than we are.
I know they have the New Testament in their language but have not open their hearts to the light in it. For they strongly believe that the rites they practice are the ones that keep humanity safe, and they strongly believe that if they should stop then humanity would perish. They have humanity's safety on their shoulders, they cannot turn to Jesus, even if their hearts call out to Him.
What a hard place for them to be in. People who are not selfish. They think not only of themselves, but of the whole humanity... so similar to God and yet being kept away from Him due to their rites.
Today I prayed for them. I prayed for mercy for the Uwa. I prayed that God would send someone that would continue the job that has been started. Someone with the right heart for them. Someone with a heart similar to God's, that will not see them like sub-humans; but that will see them with love and even with honor as they see what a special group of people they are.
And I prayed for a revival among them. I prayed that God would open their eyes to the truth, and that the same passion they have had so far for their rites will be God's and God's alone.
Today I prayed for the Uwa.
and...
Today I prayed for my own heart, for all of this reminded me that I am a sinner in need of a saviour. I am a sinner in need of a new heart. I need a new heart. One similar to the Uwa's, one that is similar to God's heart.
I need a new heart.