Kondik

There was a woman taking the course that was from Serbia. She no longer lives there. She left after the war.
She caused a deep impression.
She had the strength of those who have survived a war, she also had the wounds of those who have survived a war.
Even now something very deep happens in my heart as I sit down and remember her.
I remember seeing her ever so fragil as she tried to find a room in which to stay. And not being capable of thinking clearly enough to do it on her own. So I helped her find a room.
I remember that when I would hug her, she would accept it. I do not know if you know what I mean, but there are people who you hug and grow tense, some because of their culture, others because of the pain they have gone through. This woman accepted my hugs and care despite the culture and the wounds.
I was impressed by her bright mind. She knew several languages and liked philosophy. When we spoke on subjects such as justice I was able to recieve the perfume of speaking with one that knows what he is talking about. Most interesting.

Impressed, yes that is the word. I continue to be impressed. She gave me a box of chocolates to thank me for my attentions. She also called me from the airport to say good-bye and once more to thank me for helping her. "please write, you have my address"...but up to today I have not written her.

Why?
Because she confronts me like few people have confronted me. Not with words but with her life. In the midst of her brokeness, sin and grief. And without proffesing to know or love Jesus, she is capable of receiving and showing love.

I observed her a lot.

There are details that speak more than a thousand words. In the group there were several indians. And there was also a large number of student who stated were christians and were taking the course to prepare to be missionaries. In this last group there were those who avoided contact with the indians which of course made anybody wonder on thier call as missionaries...BUT this woman, that does not follow God became their friend
She honestly respected them and one could clearly see that she did not see them as an inferior class.

She has such a clear vision of what life is really about.

I went with her to visit an indian family.
I observed her.
Not once did I see the things I often see in people when visiting indians. No judging, no "This is dirty I do not want to sit here"... she could have been sitting in a fancy restaurant. Such was her reaction. Relaxed and happy to be there. Talking about everything and laughing with them all...what a beautiful sight.

I observed her and felt confronted.
How is it that a person that is broken and deeply hurt by a war manages to love?

Ok, I must add that she also knows how to hate, and be bitter. There was a problem and I could see that side of her too. But that part does not confront me. What confronts me is the fact that she has managed to get up from the brokeness and has managed to move on to a certain extent...without God... and I think "I have God, shouldn't my portion of being loving and humble be much higher than hers? what am I doing wrong?"
I know the answer, I have fought with God too much, too long. Wasted too many years not allowing Him to deal with the sin in my heart...such a sad story...such a sad song to be sung.

God please give me a new heart, please give me a new song.